Isn’t it just *chefs kiss* that trying to have an orgasm can sometimes make it harder to have one? Irony aside, sometimes “the best way to get to orgasm is to remove orgasm as the goal,”says Lexx Brown-James, LMFT, CSE, CSES, author of The Black Girls’ Guide to Couple’s Intimacy. “Women who feel desire and arousal can get to orgasm, but it is often easy to get out of the head space of pleasure due to all the other circumstances and lose the ability to achieve orgasm.”
So how can you get in that head space of pleasure without your annoying monkey brain leaping to unhelpful thoughts like “Am I going to have an orgasm?” “Are there any Kettle chips left?” or whatever. Try mindful sex (there are apps for that). The basic idea is just focusing on your sensations. If/when you think of the Kettle chips, re-focus your attention to the feel of your partner’s skin or the sound of their breath or just inhale and notice their scent. Voila! Back in your body and on the road to orgasm, except, oh crap!—you just thought of orgasm again. Then, just refocus. Sex is the journey not the orgasm.
Toys are also helpful for that journey. Toys can jack up your sensations so your brain forgets to worry if you’re turned on because you definitely are. A solid masturbation routine also helps.
And if your brain needs a little more going on, kink may be your thing. Try adding power dynamics and bondage, says Ruby Bouie Johnson LCSW, LCDC, an open relationship coach. “Sometimes you need passion, dominance and full control of your erotic experience,” says Johnson.
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To help you get there, here are 26 sex positions recommended by experts to make sure your orgasm is the main event.
1. The Face Time
Take the ultimate power stance. “Straddle and ride your partner’s face,” suggests Johnson. “As you sit on their face, pull your partner’s head forward. This position invites the person to move their pelvis or their partner’s tongue into the necessary position for pleasure.”
2. Titillation and Restraint
“Use a four-point restraint to render your person powerless,” says (or perhaps commands) Johnson. “Blindfold them. Use your fingers and mouth to stimulate and tease their nipples, inner thigh, labia minora (around the clit hood), neck, lips, etc. The idea is keep your person in suspense, anticipation, and on the brink of climax for an extended period of time which creates an explosive orgasm when one allows or is ready for it to happen.”
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3. Accessible Doggie
Try a version where a person is sitting between the legs of a partner with a penis (or strap-on), suggests Brown-James. The penetrating person is on their knees and there is more comfort for all. Works for rear entry, whatever hole you’re feeling. You can also add a vibe to juice things up.
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4. The Peace Out
Sit in a chair and have your partner put two fingers on either side of your clitoris, scissoring their fingers together while gently licking or sucking the tip of your clit. “This allows for maximal stimulation to the clitoris, both the sides and the head at the same time,” which can send you over the moon, FAST, explains Laurel Steinberg, PhD, a professor of sexology and relationship expert.
5. The Banana Split
Your partner thrusts into you from behind as you’re on your belly with your head down. Not only does this allow for deeper penetration, but you can have them knead or spank your butt for improved orgasm. This position is great if you’re a little nervous about letting your partner see your O-face too, says Steinberg.
6. The Backward Swoon
Bouncing off your partner can create a feeling that some women find to be super intense (in a good way, obvs) and leaves the external part of your clit exposed and ready to be stroked with a finger or toy, adds Steinberg. Have your partner thrust into you while they kneel and grab your hips so your thighs rest on their lap. Meanwhile, you go to town on your clit with your favorite vibe, for a nearly foolproof way to ensure you get yours too (or three times) (or four).
7. The Greasy Spoon
Think regs spoon sex but deeper and hotter by moving the party to the couch and hooking your top leg over the top of the cushions. The extra space also allows you prime real estate to move your hands or your partner’s hands to your clitoris for maximum oomph. It also allows your bodies to be close and generate warmth and intimacy, says Rachel Needle, PsyD, a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist in West Palm Beach, Florida.
8. The Armchair Traveler
Another good couch position, the Armchair Traveler has you on your knees and bent over, holding onto the couch arm while your partner enters you from behind. If you want to take control, you can also have your partner stay still while you thrust backward into them, using the couch arm for leverage while you thrust. This angle can allow for deep penetration and your mind is free to focus on your arousal or any fantasy you choose, adds Needle.
9. The In and Out
To add more directed friction to woman-on top, try pulling out a few times so they’re completely outside you and slide your lubed-up vulva over the underside of their penis. Experiment with long up-and-down strokes over their shaft, short side-to-side motions, or rub the head of their penis around your clitoris to see what’s gonna do it for you. They’ll last longer and you will get more intense stimulation exactly where you want it. And when they’re inside you, keep it going. Candice Smith, a sex expert and cofounder of TheKinkKit, says to move your body like you’re dancing—aka swiveling those hips a lot!
10. The Lap of Luxury
Being on top has loads of benefits—according to sexpert Layla Martin and author of Wild Woman in the Bedroom, “You have more control over the speed, angle, and intensity, so it makes it easier to keep it at a rhythm that’s really doing it for you. Your vulva and clitoris are also very accessible, and the vast majority of women find intercourse much more pleasurable if they are also stroking or being stroked in this area.” But for an upgrade on the classic, try sitting your partner down on a chair and climbing on top. There’s something super intimate about sitting on your partner’s lap and being able to be held during sex. And if you are a little shy about self-stimulation, you can always flip around and make the no-eye contact thing your friend. The best part is you can feel totally hands-free as your partner stimulates you, really putting you over the edge.
11. The Steam Room
Shower sex just feels special—there’s a sexy new couple energy to it and if there’s a detachable showerhead in there, it’ll be just as orgasmic as it is cinematic. According to sex therapist Vanessa Marin, “Most people want to try it because they’ve seen a hot shower sex scene on TV or in a movie, but you have to keep in mind that there’s an entire crew making sure that scene looks effortlessly sexy.” For a feasible shower orgasm, direct the shower spray between your legs while your partner enters from behind. Use a silicone-based lube (water-based will rinse right off) and hold onto something sturdy—you’ll need it.
12. The Supercharged Spread
According to Carol Queen, staff sexologist at Good Vibrations, the clitoris and vulva contain nerve endings that are particularly responsive to the sensation of vibration, so if hand stimulation isn’t quite enough to get to you there, that trusty vibrator ought to do the trick. A vibe can also help with any performance anxiety—it’s harder to worry about whatever when you’ve got a turbo-charged sex machine between your legs (or two, depending on your partner). Your partner holds your ankles—pressing them close for a tighter-feeling fit and spreading them wide for an “OMG, you feel huge” effect.
13. The Eagle
Why is the classic oral pose so damn good? “It’s a relaxed position for the person receiving pleasure, allowing them to lie back and focus on the sensations,” say adult film performer Jiz Lee, who knows of such things. “With feet grounded, they can tilt the pelvis or lift their legs to change things up. I recommend folding a pillow under the hips to reduce the angle required of the giver’s neck. It can also allow for eye contact between partners.” Lee also recommends a sex wedge pillow for better angling or switching up the position with giver kneeling on the floor by the bed, receiver lying with hips at the edge, feet over their partner’s shoulders.
14. Cowgirl Style
Sex therapist Susan Block is all-in with woman-on-top, because you can stimulate your clitoris without losing momentum. “Rather than lying there wondering when they’re going to thrust in perfect time with your erotic needs, you can set the rhythm and take them in as deep or as shallow as you like. Or if you prefer, stay perfectly still (you can do it—you’re on top!) and tantalize both of you by squeezing and releasing your Kegel muscles,” says Block. “You can bend over, give them a kiss, and rub your chest against them or sit up and let them have a good look at your gorgeous self, maybe play with your boobs…or reach behind you to squeeze or spank your bottom. Really, the possibilities are endless.”
15. Pushin’ the Cushion
Get on your knees in front of the couch and drape your torso over the cushions in a sort of modified doggie where you’re kinda humping the couch as well. “The key here is to press your vulva against a throw pillow that, in turn, is pressed against a high-powered vibe against the couch. And I mean turn that Hitachi Magic Wand all the way up,” recommends/commands Trisha Borowicz, orgasm equality blogger and director of Science Sex and the Ladies. “Your partner should allow you to get consistent pressure and grinding against the vibrating pillow while they move inside you so you have the clit stimulation you need in order to orgasm. Don’t be shy about telling them exactly how to accomplish that. Also, maybe don’t use the nice throw pillow.”
16. The Sticky Scissor
“Lie perpendicular to each other with you on your back and them facing you on their side. One of your legs goes between theirs and the other is draped over their hips. This allows their top leg to be angled so it’s pressed against your vulva while they’re inside you,” says Borowicz. “While they’re slowly pumping, you can can grind up against their inner thigh to get the clit stimulation you need to come (feel free to use your hands to press their leg down against you and angle it just right…or alternatively just have them move their leg out of the way a bit and use your vibe).”
17. The Up and Over
Missionary position will never be the same again. “While on your back, put a pillow under your butt, lift your hips, and bring your legs up and back toward your shoulders, as though you’re folding in half,” says Solot. This move allows your partner better ease of thrusting and deeper penetration—a perk for both of you. But consider this a warm-up—you’re getting yourself primed for a more intense orgasm. Once you feel like you’re getting into a groove, put your legs down and have them get into coital-alignment-technique (CAT) position. “They’re on top, but they lift their pelvic bone upward, aligning it with your clitoris,” says sex therapist Gloria Brame, PhD. “Then they rock against the area until you peak. The legs-up position is a slow burn that brings you to the brink and increases sensitivity. Then the addition of clitoral rubbing takes you over the edge in a bigger way than if you had done CAT alone,” adds Brame.
18. The Down but Not Out
You’ve probably tried an all-fours pose before, and while doggie-style is inarguably hotter than hot, in order to make it extra orgasmic, you need to modify it a bit. “Lie on your stomach, lifting your butt slightly so they can enter you,” suggests Solot. “Your partner can prop themselves up with their hands in a push-up position or lie on top of you.” Not only does this facedown configuration provide increased friction as they move in and out, but you can gently grind your clitoral area against the bed as well.
19. The Lusty Leg Wrap
With all the twisting and bending that goes on, sometimes sex can feel more like your cardio day at the gym than something designed to get you off. That’s why it’s important to have at least one relaxed orgasm-inducing position in your repertoire. Such as this: “While you’re on your back, they should lie on their side, turned toward you,” explains Solot. “Swing both legs over their hips and thighs, making a bridge over them.” Then, just let them gently thrust into you. If it takes you a while to climax, this pose is ideal. “It’s not very aerobic, so the sex can go on for a long time without either of you tiring out,” says Laura Berman, PhD, director of the Berman Center and author of The Passion Prescription. “When you want to climax, it’s easy to touch yourself or they can use their top hand to stimulate you.”
20. On Top of the World
Being on top tends to be a go-to for achieving orgasm and for good reason. “It allows you to dictate the pace and depth of thrusting, but mainly, you have easy access to your clitoris,” says Berman. “You can touch [it], have them touch it, or rub against their pubic bone to achieve orgasm.” But you can up the ante by literally pulling a 180. Twist around so you’re pointed toward their feet in reverse-cowgirl position. “Instead of straddling them, put your legs together, feet flat between their legs,” suggests Brame. The benefits of this are twofold: With your legs together, the fit is even tighter, making the sensations more intense. Plus, there’s increased internal stimulation, which combined with your own clitoral strokes, makes for an explosive orgasm.
21. Table for Two
In some cases, a simple change of scenery can aid in achieving orgasm. For this move, you’ll need a kitchen table—one that comes to your partner’s waist. “Lie down on the table with your butt near the edge,” suggests Solot. “They enter you while standing between your legs, holding on to your hips for leverage.” You can rest your feet on their shoulders or on the edge of the table. Because they’re standing, their hands are free to stroke your body,” says Brame. “And they’re at a perpendicular angle, rather than right on top of you, making it easier for them to touch your clitoris, unobstructed.” To up your odds of orgasming, clench and lift up your butt, which will increase the pelvic tension and blood flow to the area.
22. The Sit and Straddle
Have your partner sit, and straddle them so you’re face-to-face. “You have a lot of control over the speed, angle, and motion because you can use your arms and legs to help you maneuver,” says Berman. “Rather than just moving up and down, which can be especially tiring, sway forward and back, rubbing your clitoral area against them.” In addition to the freedom of movement, there are a few other benefits to this move. “If you lean back just a little bit, you’ll get greater internal stimulation and they’ll be able to play with your clitoris,” Brame explains. Plus, your breasts will be perfectly aligned with their mouth, adding a whole other layer to the sexual experience. Seriously, don’t neglect the boobs, people.
23. The Sweet Spoons
Emotional attachment to your partner can absolutely play a role in orgasm. If that sounds like you, there’s no configuration that’s more snuggly than the spoon. To assume the position, simply lie on your side, your dude scooted up behind you. Rather than move in and out, they should stay inside you, gently thrusting against the front wall of your vagina. “Aside from fulfilling your cuddly needs, it provides consistent stimulation, which is key for achieving orgasm from intercourse,” Berman points out. “Since they may not be able to penetrate you as deeply though, guide their hand around your [clitoris].” And just think: Once you’ve both climaxed, you’ll be in perfect postcoital cuddle position too.
24. The Girl Power
Riding them is all kinds of fun, but take it further by leaning forward and more actively taking them in, sort of like a mix between missionary and cowgirl. It feels way tighter, you can grind against them as you please, and add a vibrator to the mix. A variation of this is the Amazon sex position, where the partner in table top has their legs more bent. Sex and relationship expert Antonia Hall, author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life, says that what’s great about this position is that you might only need a few hip adjustments to really hit that sweet spot.
25. The Slip N’ Slide
Tweak missionary by straightening your legs and pressing them tightly together. Instead of pumping, grind against your partner’s pelvis and slide your vulva against and down their shaft. Sooooo much slippery friction, and if you’re not getting enough, go ahead and slide your lubed-up hand between your bodies for more focused attention. Once they do go in, it’s a great angle for both internal and clitoral stimulation. “Your partner can carefully angle their penis so that it’s rubbing against your clitoris as they move in and out,” Hall says. She adds that it’s also a good position for using a couples vibrator or cock ring, if you want even more clitoral stimulation.
26. The Edge of Your Seat
For some among us, nothing’s gonna be happening unless there is some serious hand rubbing and/or toy-buzzing happening, and the best way to make sure you have an orgasm is to just DIY it. “Masturbating yourself to orgasm before sex can be incredibly sexy for your partner to watch and will ready your body for penetration and any additional orgasms,” Hall says. She says that it’s also a great way for them to learn how you like to be touched, and what gets you to orgasm. So embrace it: Not only does your partner get to see what really makes you lose it (which in turn, makes it hotter for you), but you also get to have exactly the kind of orgasm you want.
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Sex & Relationships – Cosmopolitan
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