33 Things We're All Thinking While Watching Porn with a Partner

Everyone has an opinion on porn. Some occasionally watch, some hate it, and others are regular viewers because, like, “What else is there to do while masturbating?” But regardless of where you fall on that love/hate porn spectrum, I’m willing to bet you’ve seen a porn scene at least once or twice in your life. (And no, catching a glimpse of Captain America’s leaked dick pic doesn’t count).

If you do watch porn though some-what regularly, you may prefer the visuals of porn porn or you may prefer an audio-only porn site. Either way, most of the time—if not all the time, it’s a solo activity. You know, a hobby reserved for “me time.”

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But, trust, watching it with a partner can make it even more…interesting. Not only do you get to learn what your partner likes (“Woah, that position?”), but they also get to learn what you like. If nothing else, you can tell your friends all about the experience the next day at brunch.

Ofc, watching someone do the nasty in a professionally-lit studio with your partner is exciting, but there are times when your mind starts to wander. After all, you’re watching porn with another person. Porn.

So, let’s take a look at what we’re all thinking our first time watching porn with a partner:

1. Okay, here we go. We’re watching porn together.
2. Are you bored? You look bored. Now I’m self-conscious I watch boring porn.
3. I should’ve let them pick. They probably watch better porn than I do.
4. No, this is good. I’m showing them what I want in bed.
5. Except that. I can promise you I don’t want that.
6. This isn’t as sexy as I thought it was gonna be. I feel like I’m awkwardly watching a sex scene with my parents.
7. Do we have to try that position? You know I’m not that flexible.
8. I have to pee. Pausing the video seems weird, but I don’t want to make them watch it alone.
9. Forget it. I can hold it till we’re done.
10. I have to say, this is great inspiration for dirty talk. I gotta start taking notes.
11. Are we supposed to be naked already, or am I being too eager?
12. Wow, they are…really going at it. I wish I had that stamina.
13. Am I staring too hard? Maybe I should look away for a sec so I don’t look like a perv.
14. I’ll get up and stretch. That way, I won’t look so invested.
15. Why did I just do that? Who stretches their hamstrings while watching porn?
16. I don’t think they even noticed. Their eyes haven’t left the screen.
17. …which doesn’t make me feel super great. Like, hi, hello? I’m right next to you.
18. Am I actually getting jealous of a porn star? This is embarrassing.
19. Take a deep breath. It’s just porn.
20. To be fair, they could be paying a bit more attention to me.
21. OH MY GOD. I’ve never seen that move before.
22. Is she okay? It looks like she just fractured her spine.
23. We’re like nine minutes into this and we’re both still clothed. Are we doing this right?
24. That’s it! No more waiting around. I’m making a move.
25. WE ARE HAVING SEX. While we watch other people have sex!!!
26. Should I turn the volume down? All that fake moaning is taking me out of ~the moment~.
27. Seriously, I can’t hear myself think over all the sex happening on screen. I’m turning it off.
28. Now it’s just uncomfortably quiet. I’m turning it back on.
29. Are we all supposed to finish at the same time? Logically, that seems impossible.
30. I think if I time it just right…no, that’s ridiculous. I’m an adult and I will orgasm when I’m good and ready.
31. That was actually fun. We should do this more often (but not too often — I’m still jealous from earlier).
32. You know, now that I think about it, choosing a threesome to watch may have been a bold choice for our first time. I’m not ready for one. I hope this wasn’t misleading.
33. Was it misleading?

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