Allow me to introduce you to the very best way to chill out and heat things up right now during this cold szn: Temperature play.
If you don’t know already, it’s basically what happens when you use hot or cold sensations—like ice cubes, hot water in the shower, or candles—to add a lil bit of spice in the bedroom, says sex educator Searah Deysach, owner of pleasure shop Early to Bed.
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And let me tell you, it’s super fun. Plus, it’s pretty easy for anyone to get into, even if you don’t consider yourself the *most* sexually adventurous person. Certified sexologist and Sweet Vibes sexpert Tyomi Morgan says that, in particular, “people who are tapped into their senses and aroused through touch may be interested in exploring the sensations of temperature play.”
So if you’re interested in trying out some warm and chilly fun, here are 8 sexpert-encouraged things you can do right now—whether solo’d or with a partner.
Just remember, before you begin playing around with hot tools and chilly substances, you should have a conversation with your partner about boundaries, safe words, and hard limits, because consent is always a must.
1. Warm up some chocolate syrup
Hot chocolate is a winter staple, so there’s a good chance you have its main ingredient lying around the house somewhere. “Warm up a good portion of chocolate syrup in a microwavable bowl or container for about 30 seconds on high,” says Morgan.
Then, once you’ve tested the temperature on your finger or inner-wrist to make sure it’s not too hot, “use the syrup to drizzle designs on your partner’s erogenous zones (booty, breasts, stomach, fingers, toes, neck) that can only be removed using your lips and tongue.”
Remember that this (as well as most other food things) should stay far away from the vagina in order to avoid a painful yeast infection or UTI. But if you insist, Morgan suggests using saran wrap or a dental dam as a barrier over the entire vulva.
2. Get you some ice cubes from the freezer
Ice may be the most cliché of all the sensations you can add in the bedroom, but it’s a fave for a reason. “Use the cubes to trace around the body, using your warm breath to deepen the sensation and your tongue to clean up the trails of liquid,” says Morgan. “You can add a blindfold and restraints into this session to heighten the sense of touch.”
Pro Tip: Create ice cubes from fruit juice, cucumber, mint, or other ingredients, to give it some extra flavor, she adds.
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3. Change the temp of your mouth before going downtown
Right before you’re about to perform oral sex on your partner, drink some warm tea or any other hot beverage, suggests Deysach. Just be careful to avoid spicy or sugary drinks that may throw off your partner’s pH or cause an infection.
4. Use heating or cooling lube (yup, it’s A Thing)
Once you’ve thrown away the old, crusty bottle sitting in your night stand, replace it with a heating or cooling lube. (Before purchasing though, “be sure to look at the ingredients, as many of them have intense things like menthol or may include ingredients that can be irritating to delicate tissues,” Deysach adds.)
Here’s what you can do: After applying a tiny bit of lube to an area on the body, blow lightly exactly where you just slathered it on, suggests Deysach. This increases the sensation, she says.
Oh, and if you don’t want to buy a specific heating or cooling lube, NBD. If coconut oil is your thing, you can warm some up in the microwave, says Deysach. (Just know that it gets hot fast, so always test it on yourself before putting it on your partner.)
5. Enjoy some cool (or hot) penetration
“If you have glass or steel toys, you can warm them up or cool them down before using,” says Deysach. (Consider this your excuse to buy that stainless steel dildo or glass butt plug you’ve been eyeing.)
For a cooling effect: Deysach suggests either throwing a non-vibrating, waterproof toy in the fridge for a bit or placing it into a bowl of ice water. “Once cooled to your liking, remove the toy from the ice and use it to stimulate penetration,” Morgan adds.
Oh, and to warm them up: Run your waterproof and non-vibrating toys under warm water for a few minutes or wrap them in a heating pad on low setting for 10 minutes, Deysach suggests.
6. Take advantage of your shower head
I know shower sex isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be, but you should know the shower head is everything—whether by yourself or with a partner. “Use a detachable shower head to reach the erogenous zones on the genitals and/or anus,” Morgan recommends. “Adjust the temperature of the water from hot to cold and every temp in between to heighten arousal and deepen stimulation.”
7. Try out some sensual massage candles
“A great way to start off your sex play is to use a candle that melts at a lower temperature (usually called massage candles) for a sensual massage,” says Deysach. Basically, the hot wax melts into an oil when poured onto the skin, turning the hot sensation into an extremely erotic massage.
Depending on where you’re playing, Morgan warns to “cover the bed with a plastic sheet, a tarp or purchase an inflatable play sheet to protect your furniture from oil damage.”
8. If you like the massage candles, take it to the next level by playing with wax
If you or your partner prefer a more intense sensation, Deysach suggests grabbing a candle specifically designed for dripping on bodies. (Key words: Specifically designed for dripping on bodies.) Please, please, please, do not use just any old candle you have laying around because, ow, hot. You should look for candles specifically designed for wax play, like the Doc Johnson Japanese Drip candles.
You can also go with an unscented, colorless soy or paraffin candle.
Once you’ve got the candle and wax figured out, “light it up and drip the hot wax slowly onto your partner’s body,” says Morgan. Her rule of thumb? The higher the drip, the more it stings, and the closer the drip is to the body, the warmer the wax feels.
“Following up with an ice cube after wax play can help cool the body down and remove the wax from the skin. Avoid areas covered in hair to prevent hair snags or tangles.”
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Sex & Relationships – Cosmopolitan
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