6 Women Explain What It’s Like to Peg Their Partners

Hello, and welcome to a lesson on things they didn’t teach you in sex-ed. The topic today: pegging. Most often, pegging is used to refer to a hetero, cisgender woman who uses a strap-on dildo to penetrate a hetero, cisgender man. But unfortunately, because anal sex has historically been associated as a “gay men act,” many straight men don’t consider pegging.

This, my friends, is a travesty, because the prostate is chock-full of pleasure for your male friends—it’s called the p-spot. And, hi, newsflash: Where and how you receive pleasure does not determine your sexuality. Period.

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Even more so, for those who wear the strap-on, it can be incredibly hot playing around with power dynamics. Don’t believe me? Take it from these six women who dish on their personal pegging experience. Notice how they pretty much had…nothing bad to say about it.

Have you tried pegging with a serious partner or in a casual relationship (or both)?

• “I have tried pegging with a serious partner after we had been together for about three years.” —Sophie, 25
• “Yes, with my serious partner.” —Taylor, 55
• “Only with serious partners who were very into it already. I wouldn’t be averse to doing it casually, but both of my partners waited until we were very close to bring it up out of shyness or embarrassment.” —Anna*, 28
• “I’ve only done it once. It was with a serious partner—we’d been dating for six months.” —Bea*, 22
• “I’ve tried pegging with my husband. He’s definitely a serious partner. I’d also be open to trying it with casual relationships. We’re poly, and sometimes we play with others.” —Catherine*, 35
• “I’ve pegged my long-term partner—my husband of 11 years.” —Diane*, 38

What tools or toys did you use?

• “We started off with using a slim dildo to test out the sensation and figure out if it was something that he would like to keep on doing. We tried prostate toys and butt plugs before, but he wasn’t sure about the longer length being comfortable. We also found that it was important to have a sturdy harness as well, because it made thrusting and moving a lot easier and less awkward.” —Sophie, 25
• “I used a traditional strap-on harness with a dildo.” —Taylor, 55
• “I used a strap-on with both partners I’ve pegged and enough lube to drown a horse. Both strap-ons were softer silicone models, but one had a vibe that also pleasured the wearer.” —Anna, 28
• “Just a really smooth, plain dildo.” —Bea, 22
• “I used a harness, which I love because the size range is really forgiving. It fits my large hips nicely. We used a slim silicone dildo, and of course, lots of water-based lube.” —Catherine, 35
• “It’s important for the person being penetrated to be warmed up, so we started with me using my fingers. Gloves are great because they make clean-up easy and they protect my partner from my nails. When he was ready, we moved on to using a small butt plug to continue getting him warmed up. Then, I wore a harness, which I found to be really comfortable, and paired it with a dildo. Oh and lube—lots of lube.” —Diane, 38

And whose idea was it—yours or theirs? What made you want to try it?

• “We had experimented with anal play on me, and he was curious about whether it would do anything for him as well. As he got more comfortable with the sensations and the idea of things, we decided to give pegging a try. It was probably more my idea than his, but I think it was also an intriguing idea to flip our current couple dynamic on its head.” —Sophie, 25
• “It was his idea, as I told him that I had never done it before. It was a fantasy of mine to see if I could do it, if I was any good at it (I am), and if I would enjoy it (I did).”
  —Taylor, 55
• “It was my partner’s idea the first time. He’d done it before, loved it, and once we got serious, he asked me to give it a try. The second partner had to be prompted a little on my part.” —Anna, 28
• “His. Once, I had asked him what he wanted to do. He told me he wanted to ‘get a bit crazy,’ and then he suggested I penetrate him with a dildo.” —Bea, 22
• “I don’t even know whose idea it was. We have both worn anal plugs during intercourse, and he’s not squeamish about butt play. He doesn’t have the sexual hangups that some guys seem to have about it, which I appreciate. I think this particular night, I asked if he wanted to try it and he said yes, especially since we’d just bought the harness.” —Catherine, 35
• “It was an idea we’d both mentioned at different times, so I think it was pretty mutual. I was curious what it would be like to be the one doing the penetration and he was curious about what it would feel like.” —Diane, 38

What did you do to prepare?

• “Lots of lube and douching beforehand was key, as well as taking our time. The dildo we started off with was very slim, and we’d used wider plugs before, so the size wasn’t an issue. He was more concerned with the idea of being thrust into, so I just made sure to move slowly and let him control the pace until he was comfortable for me to set the pace.” —Sophie, 25
  
• “I was so unprepared. He brought the dildo over as a surprise to me, so I had no prep time mentally. He, on the other hand, had been preparing for about two weeks, as he had not been penetrated by anyone in more than two years.” —Taylor, 55
• “I researched everything there was to know about anal. I was determined to go into the situation really prepared. Then I went out and bought, like, a gallon of lube and a strap-on that suited me. But seriously: lube.” —Anna, 28
• “Just lube. It was an extremely smooth, small dildo. It was the size of, like, maybe two tampons together, or maybe even only one. It wasn’t that big.” —Bea, 22
• “Took our time! Regular foreplay, lots of stimulation, fingering to loosen things up. It was important that he was really turned on beforehand.” —Catherine, 35
• “Lots of warm-up before actually pegging him. Prior to any play, he showered and used the bathroom, which I think helped him feel more comfortable.” —Diane, 38

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Were there any challenges once you got going?

• “We made sure that we were both communicating about how things were going for each of us, so we didn’t have any issues exactly. He was a little tender the day after the first time we tried pegging, as his body wasn’t used to that type of stimulation.”
  —Sophie, 25
• “No. Have lots of good lube on hand and NEVER use desensitizing lubricant. The one place you want to know if there is pain is in the anus, and not after the fact.”
  —Taylor, 55
• “Height difference? Being a foot shorter than someone you are trying to screw is a little more awkward than when those measurements are reversed. Solution: Bend them over something.” —Anna, 28
• “No, not at all. I don’t even know if we did it the right way or anything. It was super spur of the moment.” —Bea, 22
• “Finding a good angle was difficult! It was hard to align our hips properly. We ended up trying a few different positions. Because the dildo isn’t my body, I couldn’t feel what I was doing without a hand down there. I couldn’t tell if I was actually penetrating or just bumping awkwardly around near his ass.” —Catherine, 35
• “We had to try out different positions because there’s a pretty significant height difference between us, so it was just a matter of figuring out what worked best. We found that him lying on his side with his knees bent with me kneeling with the front of my thighs against the back of his worked really well. In that position, the height difference wasn’t an issue and I liked that we could still look at each other.” —Diane, 38

What did you like most about pegging?

• “We both felt like it was a great bonding experience and took our physical relationship to the next level. It meant that I took more control, and he had to let me, which meant more trust was given to me as well.” —Sophie, 25
  
• “He trusted me to do this to him. He loved submitting to me and I loved him submitting to me.” —Taylor, 55
• “Pegging is great because it puts you in a role you’re not really used to being in as a woman. There are aspects of dominance, power, intimacy, and strength that I don’t think we get to experience in quite the same wordless way when it comes to vanilla sex.” —Anna, 28
• “It was nice to have control. And it was really interesting to see how much he liked it. It kind of took me aback, like, Wow, he really likes that. We never did it again though, interestingly.” —Bea, 22
• “I’m always excited about trying something new. I liked giving him the opportunity to try something he’d been wanting to try, and it’s fun to play with sex toys.”
  —Catherine, 35
• “Every time I did something he liked, I could feel all his muscles squeezing around me. It was really intimate and sexy. My absolute favorite part of it was just watching him enjoy himself, especially because I found it to be a huge turn-on that he’s so comfortable with his body despite all the negativity and shame around straight men enjoying anal stimulation.” —Diane, 38

What was it like playing the role of the penetrator?

• “At first it was quite daunting—especially because anal play does mean you need to be more careful and cautious so you don’t hurt your partner. It turns out there is a bit of technique required when it comes to thrusting! I had very sore hips and ab muscles the next day! But overall, I loved it. It was a totally different experience being the penetrator, and there was also a mental enjoyment out of giving my partner that type of pleasure as well.” —Sophie, 25
• “Honestly, I was very comfortable in that role. I am more dominant, and being able to express it in that manner was a dream come true.” —Taylor, 55
• “Pretty great. Having a guy underneath you, with the gasping and groaning, is spectacular. It’s a very energetic act too. You’re constantly moving. You also have a lot of control over what your partner is feeling and that’s fun.” —Anna, 28
• “I liked it. It was very different. I had total control, and he was lying on his stomach, so he wasn’t making eye contact with me. I found it exhilarating in a different way than just regular sex—being in charge of someone else’s pleasure.” —Bea, 22
• “Mostly there were technical issues to work out: how to get the right angle, how to move, how to control speed and depth. Personally, being the one in the role of penetrator was new and fun and something I wouldn’t mind doing again.”
  —Catherine, 35
• “Fun and more empowering than I expected it to be. I really enjoyed the role reversal and finding new ways to make my partner feel good.” —Diane, 38

Is pegging a regular part of your sex life now?

• “Pegging makes a semi-regular appearance in the bedroom now. It requires a fair amount of preparation, so we tend to save it for when we have the house to ourselves and enough time to really enjoy it.” —Sophie, 25
• “Sadly, no. We live in different states now and I don’t see him as often. Plus, it’s a lot of work! Bless those men who put in all that work in bed.” —Taylor, 55
• “No. I’m with a different partner now who isn’t into it.” —Anna, 28
• “No. We had really good sex no matter what, so this was just a one-off thing we did that was great too. But I think I would do it again. In hindsight, I would have prepared a bit more and known what to do, especially with clean-up and stuff.” —Bea, 22
• “Alas, no. We’ve only done it the one time. Not because it wasn’t enjoyable, but just because there’s equipment and prep involved, and it’s not something he’s always in the mood for.” —Catherine, 35
• “Yes and no—we go through phases of what we’re both in the mood for, so sometimes it’s more a part of our day-to-day sex life than others.” —Diane, 38

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Do you have any advice for others who might want to try pegging? Or whose partners want to try it?

• “The most important thing is communication. It’s not the end of the world if it doesn’t work out as planned; he may decide that it’s not something for him. The main thing is that you are both communicating about what is and isn’t working for you.”
  —Sophie, 25
• “Do it with someone you trust—someone you really want to please sexually, as it will be more gratifying for the both of you. Don’t do it if you don’t want to, no matter how many times they ask. Consent is very sexy and consent has to be on both sides! Be rested, hydrated, and pay attention to your lover’s movements and sounds so that you do not accidentally hurt him.” —Taylor, 55
• “I’ve already said this but lube, lube, lube, lube, lube. Butts do not self-lubricate at all. Not using enough lube leads to unpleasant experiences and serious injury. Spring for the strap-on with the vibe. Worth it. If your partner has never had anal sex/hasn’t done it for a while, go slow. It might hurt a little.” —Anna, 28
• “I think first order of business is a little bit of nonpenetrative ass play.” —Bea, 22
• “Go for it. Don’t get hung up in what it means for your gender or sexual identity. It’s an area loaded with nerve endings. It’s fun to stimulate. Read up, practice with fingers first, and be willing to give it a shot.” —Catherine, 35
• “Communicate with each other—both before and during. Go slowly, make sure your partner is warmed up, and, before trying more fingers or a bigger toy, use a lot of lube.” —Diane, 38

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Sex & Relationships – Cosmopolitan
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