These 7 NSFW Ornaments Are the Best Things on My Christmas Tree

For those of you out there who, like me, have a 10-year-old boy’s sense of humor and/or giggle at dirty Santa jokes and Christmas pickup lines on the reg, this article is for you. Allow me to explain.

I recently discovered the world of NSFW ornaments—or what one company is calling “pornaments”—and they’re exactly what they sound like: phallic candy canes, horny reindeer, big dick Santas, etc. (Pretty much my Christmas decorating dreams.)

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In my opinion, they’re something I want to add to my tree every year. But after a year like 2020, they’re especially The Move for right now.

If you’re not interested in this decor for your own tree though (read: your father would literally murder you if you ever put these up there), they could always make a fun gag gift for a white elephant party?

Whatever the reason you decide to buy these bbs, for both your pleasure and my own, here are the best Christmas tree ornaments for your tree this year. You’re so welcome.

1. A live image of Rudolph when he gets ~excited~

Rocket Reindeer Ornament, $20, pornaments.com purchase here

2. My type of “holiday ride”

Holiday Ride Ornament, $20, pornaments.com purchase here

3. Some R-rated snowballs

Deck the Balls Ornament, $20, pornaments.com purchase here

4. A gingerbread man packing some serious carrot dick

Tekky Naughty Dirty Talking Gingerbread Man, $17, amazon.com purchase here

5. Frosty, who admittedly looks a bit different this year

Melts In Your Mouth Ornament, $20, pornaments.com purchase here

6. The gingerbread man who’d for sure send a “WYD?” text

Union Square Crooked Biscuit Ornament, $15, amazon.com purchase here

7. Another Frosty who has, ahem, misplaced his nose?

Tekky Toys Dirty Talking Snowman Ornament, $15, amazon.com purchase here

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