If you were to ask me, I would say that there is no such thing as texting someone too soon after a first date. (The exception being only if your Tinder match was terrible and you have no intention of seeing them ever again.)
If the date went well though, you shouldn’t have to worry about coming off too strong or being aggressive. I personally subscribe to the idea that if you like someone, you should talk? to? them?
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But unfortunately, for many women out there, texting a dude too soon (or not soon enough!) is a Big Fear. So to help make that experience a little less anxiety-inducing, here’s what 18 men think you should do.
But, disclaimer: Take from this round-up of quotes what you will. Remember, every relationship is different (which is a nice way of saying some of their advice is, let’s just say, questionable). And if you want to text them, just text them.
Here’s what le men have to say:
1. “If you like the person, text them whenever you want to. That can be five minutes after the date or the next morning. You’ll know when it’s right.” — Richard, 27
2. “I suggest waiting for three or four days. And rather than sending a sheepish text, try calling right away. Not only will they be slightly annoyed that you took this long to get in touch, but you’ll catch them off guard on the phone, and show them that you’re confident enough to call them out of the blue.” — Jordan, 28
3. “It depends on how you think the date went and what time of day it was. I’d say by end of day or the next day if you’re interested, think it went well and y’all vibed.” — Jack, 27
4. “I never put a lot of thought into this, honestly. It’s all about how the date goes and the vibe you get. If we both walk away feeling the energy and really excited about how the date went, then text them the next day, or even that night, if you feel like it’s organic. It’s so situational.” — Matt, 28
5. “For me, it’s not the days someone waits to text me, it’s the intensity of the texting. If a date texts me that night to say, ‘I had such a great time’ I’m not going to read it and freak out and think ‘oh, she’s a psycho and things are going too fast.’ It’s a polite text and it shows she’s interested and probably wants me to take the initiative to ask her out again. But if she starts texting me like we’re already in a year-old relationship, that’s freaky. [In general], texting him within 24 hours definitely tells a guy you like him. If for some reason you want to avoid telling a guy you like that you do like him, wait a few days.” — Chris, 27
6. “I’d like to say I could handle a woman texting me whenever. But the power would get to my head if she texted too soon. I think it’s a good idea to keep him from getting too cocky. So… two or three days. It’s enough to keep him guessing, but not enough that he’ll think you don’t like him. You don’t want to scare a guy off, either.” — David, 25
7. “I think two or three days is considered the golden rule, right? I don’t really have time for games. I feel like that’s college-age sh*t. Text me whenever and if we like each other it doesn’t matter.” — Nick, 28
8. “This is probably bad advice, but if you want to see how much a guy likes you, text him on Friday at 2 PM and see if he has plans. If he still meets up with you, he likes you a lot. This could also backfire horribly and make him think you’re a psycho. I’m the kind of loser that drops everything, though.” — Kyle, 27
9. “I think three to five days is OK. Anything early might make you seem too eager, which isn’t a bad thing. Anything later makes you seem uninterested.” — Dylan, 28
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10. “I would say it’s good to do around four days, give or take. As much as the waiting kills, it’s really rewarding to finally get that message.” — Marc, 26
11. “I hate waiting on texts. I don’t like that this is even a thing, I’m not going to lie.” — Adam, 29
12. “Well, I’m usually the one to send the first text. I don’t know if this is old-fashioned, but I would say just wait for him to text. It’s not a bad thing to put it on him instead. Although maybe he’s waiting for you to text, so you’re both sitting there waiting. Really, just don’t overthink it. That’s my best advice. Just do what makes sense to you.” — Jeff, 28
13. “A couple of days, maybe. Guys don’t really expect a text right away. If anything, if he follows you on Snapchat or Instagram, avoid posting anything romantic for the next few days.” — Aaron, 29
14. “I’m not sure if this is something I get hung up on. I would say… if I hear back from a date, it’s usually within four days.” — Jake, 28
15. “Personally, I think as long as it’s in time to set up another date for the next weekend, you’re good. Just don’t wait until the day or night of. Then it looks like he’s your second choice or a booty call, basically.” — Tom, 29
16. “I’m a firm believer in waiting three days. It gives you a chance to get some distance from the first date, even if it went well. Not waiting can make things get too intense too quickly, and that’s not a good thing.” — Scott, 27
17. “Hmm.. it’s a good idea to wait a day, I would say. Same night or like, within 24 hours seems like it’s way too much. Wait two days to be safe.” — Will, 28
18. “Generally, I would say let him be the one to text. But obviously if you like him a lot and want to make sure he knows it, text him the next day. I feel like the only reason you’d want to text someone sooner is to tell them you had a nice time but don’t think it will go anywhere.” — Max, 27
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Sex & Relationships – Cosmopolitan
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