7 Hot Sexting Tips for Lesbians

When it comes to sexting in LGBTQ+ relationships, there’s a lot to think about. And with the popularization of online dating, and the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic, sexting is something that more and more people are turning to in an effort to turn up the heat their relationships.

While it’s true that everyone has a different sexting style—regardless of their gender identity or sexual orientation—there are still some aspects of sexting a female-identifying individual that may look differently than sexting someone else.

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So allow me to present an everything-to-know guide on sexting female-identifying individuals. These expert-approved tips will 1) Help you sext more confidently and 2) Be the reason you’ll actually want to masturbate while sexting instead of just pretending like you are.

Tip #1: Establish some ground rules

Just like when you engage in a sexual relationship with someone IRL, sexting inhabits a similar space. It’s good to talk about what the plan is if you both decide to share pictures, videos, or maybe even a naughty voice memo or voicemail.

Some questions to ask beforehand: What would you like me to do with our message history? Who has access to your phone? Are you comfortable with me saving pictures? Or videos? Or audio messages?

Tip #2: Ask for consent

Once you’ve figured out how you want to handle the logistics that come with sexting in the digital age, the next thing you’ll want to do is make sure your partner is up for it. Because just because you’re game to sext doesn’t mean the person on the other side of the screen is.

You can 1) Literally ask them if they’re comfortable sexting or 2) Lean into it. Start slow by texting things like “How was your day?” and “How are you feeling?” before launching into full-on-sending-nudes mode. You can even them if right now is a good time to chat a little.

Then, once you’re both comfortable, you can drop lil hints and says things like “I can’t stop thinking about you,” or “When I think about you I get really excited,” or even something a little racier like “Can I show you what I am wearing under my dress?”

Tip #3: Make sure you’re not rushing the whole sexting thing

While you may be turned on and ready to initiate some dirty talk, sometimes your partner may not be on the same page as you. “For some, sexting is still considered a super taboo practice. It requires us to ‘tap in’ to a certain level of communicative intimacy that some of us aren’t comfortable with sharing,” says Gina Senarighi, PhD, a queer relationship expert and coach.

But “if it’s too early to have a sense of humor or humility about it, or if it’s too soon to feel comfortable asking the other person if they’re into sexting, it’s probably too early to dive right in with a hot set of pics,” says Dr. Senarighi.

Also, be mindful about what you’re looking for: Is it a relationship? Something casual? A person to masturbate with from afar during a global pandemic?

“Sexting is the perfect way to learn exactly what someone likes in advance so you’ll know what to do later. However, if you’re actively dating and looking for a relationship, I’d say sexting within the first 3 weeks would be a little too soon,” says LGBTQ+ relationship coach Sean B. (Just make sure you’re upfront and honest about what you’re looking for with your partner too.)

Tip #4: Don’t take yourself too seriously

Trying too hard to say the right thing can be a lot of pressure and total buzzkill. But remember, sexting is supposed to be fun; It’s not a homework assignment someone is grading you on.

“Don’t take it too seriously or personally,” says Dr. Senarighi. “Being playful about your sexting, especially if you’re new at it, will help you open up to exploring sexting.”

This kind of attitude—you know, flirty, playfulness—can help take some of the stress off of feeling like you need to say exactly the right thing. Plus, keep in mind that what the “right” thing to say depends on the person.

“One issue that comes up for my clients in relation to sexting is the fear that the energy won’t be reciprocated, meaning maybe the other person isn’t into it and what exactly to say aka the sexting language,” says Sean B.

Our suggestion: Tell your partner what you’re thinking, feeling, and what you want to do to them without fear of judgement. If you’re into it, there’s a 90 percent chance your partner will be too.

Tip #5: Have a few phrases ready to use

You don’t have to formally “prepare” of course, but it’s nice to have a few sexy things to pull out when you need to.“You can say ‘that’s hot, tell me more,’ ‘tell me what’s next,” or even simply, ‘say more,’ which can help keep the energy flowing if you don’t want to drop the ball,” says Dr. Senarighi.

Having some of these key phrases in mind can help move the sexting in the right direction. Just remember what your previous partner may have liked is not what your current one may be into, so opting for an “Ah, do you like that?” is always a good way to gauge what your partner is into.

Tip #6: Be mindful about how your partner is responding

If your person is sending back equally fun and sexy responses, odds are that they are just as into it as you are. But if they tend to be more on the sexually shy side and are responding with just emojis or are Liking or Loving a message and nothing else, then think about maybe scaling back on what you’re sending them.

Remember: Match each other’s energy. It is so important.

Tip #7: Practice, practice, practice

Once you’ve gotten comfortable with where you’re at in your relationship with your special lady, then all you have left to do is sit back and let your creative and naughty writing skills get to work.

“I definitely encourage all my clients to do their research: Read erotica short stories, books, novels, etc. to get comfortable with mind and word stimulation. Find fun and sexy adjectives, and even positions described through text,” said Sean B.

Be open with your fantasies too. Tell that person all the things either you want them to do to you or all the fun and dirty things you want to do to them. Lastly, make sure to match their language re: dirty words and phrases.

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Sex & Relationships – Cosmopolitan
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