Here’s How to Have a Vaginal Orgasm

In the interest of being transparent, let’s be upfront about this right away: vaginal orgasms are by no means something the majority of women experience. Studies show that more than 75% of women actually need more than just penetration to orgasm. Let that sink in.

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In fact, we at Cosmopolitan, recently uncovered that the g-spot, which is assumed to be the reason behind vaginal orgasms, doesn’t really exist. Going back even further, in 2011, a Yale urologist speculated that the so-called g-spot was actually just an extension of the clitoris. But despite that, some women still claim to be able to have vaginal orgasms — and we shouldn’t minimize or discount those experiences because of a lack of evidence regarding the g-spot. Especially when we know that research and clinical studies on femme pleasure are extremely lacking. However, it is possible that these women are having vaginal orgasms and that the g-spot isn’t real.

How is it possible to have a vaginal orgasm if the g-spot isn’t real?

Basically, the explanation is that all orgasms — even the ones classified as vaginal, are technically clitoral orgasms. This means the clitoris is responsible for the feeling of a vaginal orgasm, which is confusing of course since clitoral orgasms are commonly associated with external stimulation only.

“All orgasms are clitoral orgasms,” explains clinical psychologist Brittany Blair, PsyD, CBSM, founder of the Lover.io app. Many people don’t realize that the external (aka visible) part of the clitoris is only the glans, while the body of the clitoris in its entirety extends up the vagina along the top of the vaginal wall and down behind the labia, Blair says. So while you might identify vaginal and clitoral orgasms as two different animals, the source of the pleasure actually comes from the same spot: the clitoris. It’s just that internal orgasms are the result of stimulation along the legs of the clitoris that you can’t see on the outside.

Sexologist Susan Kaye, PhD, explains that there are no nerve endings in the vagina itself (think about it: childbirth is painful enough) but that the feeling of vaginal orgasm comes from the backside of the clitoris and its nerve endings being stimulated. Just like how an iceberg is, like, 90 percent underwater, so is your clit. The clitoris that you can stimulate and see is just part of it. There are many nerve endings that carry sensation throughout your vagina that you can’t see from the vulva.

Even the experts themselves agree that the lack of evidence for vaginal orgasms and the anecdotal (and even personal experiences) from those who have claimed to experience a vaginal orgasm can seem contradictory. “I don’t believe there is proof of vaginal internal stimulation leading to orgasm, but from people’s testimonies, including my own, I know that it happens,” says Marla Renee Stewart, MA, sexpert for Lovers adult wellness brand & retailer.

Ian Kerner, author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman, says that if you interpret “vaginal orgasm” as achieving orgasm from penetration alone, it’s pretty damn rare. “I don’t want to say they’re a myth, because some women do have them. But it’s very rare to take a dildo or a vibrator and have an orgasm simply by thrusting,” Kerner adds.

Ultimately, as Dr. Tamika K. Cross, OBGYN explains, it’s about what makes you feel good. Despite a lack of conclusive research on vaginal orgasms, “You can’t really deny how someone feels and what they’re experiencing,” adds Dr. Cross. “It’s important not to focus too much on [vaginal orgasms] because now you have people who are really searching for that experience they may never find,” she explains, adding: “People are looking to reach a certain goal but at the end of the day, they should do what makes them feel good, what they enjoy and are comfortable with.”

With that being said, here are some tips from the experts on how to up your odds of having a “vaginal” orgasm and an orgasm in general, really.

How to have a vaginal orgasm:

If the clitoris is responsible for vaginal orgasms but you can only access a small portion of it externally, how do you stimulate the inner clitoris for a vaginal orgasm? The short answer: experimentation.

“It boils down to each woman discovering what works for her particular body,” explains Tazima Parris, intimacy coach. “Even if there were a particular ‘magic spot’ to stimulate or ‘perfect combination’ to use for orgasm,” Parris explains, individual learning, curiosity, and exploration of one’s body is the best way to figure this out. When experimenting in the hopes of discovering a vaginal orgasm, there are some things to keep in mind, says Parris.

1. Block off a good chunk of time to experiment.

First of all, make sure you give yourself 20–30 minutes of stimulation to achieve full arousal, Parris says, citing this Betty Dodson article she often uses as reference for clients. Time might seem obvious, but you’d be surprised how much of a difference it can make. Parris suggests that instead of looking for a magic recipe or formula for a vaginal orgasm, the best thing you can do is adjust your expectations and work with your body.

2. Masturbate. Like a lot.

In order to best discover your odds of a vaginal orgasm, Kaye suggests using a dildo, vibrator, and/or your own fingers. “Knowing your body, only you can educate a partner on what works best for you,” she explains. “Be your body’s own best friend. ‘Know thyself’ and then inform your partner by taking them on a tour.” After all, they’ll likely appreciate the helping hand.

3. Try a suction sex toy.

Another tip, although more anecdotal than research-based (although for anyone who wants to throw a grant at me to study this clinically, hit me up), is to try suction-based sex toys. These toys are different from traditional vibrators in that they don’t just vibrate, but have a small opening that creates a vacuum seal isolating your clitoris for a very, very intense effect. Many of these toys promise to stimulate the inner legs of the clitoris that you can’t access externally, and while a marketing promise should always be taken with a grain of salt, those who have tried these toys say the orgasm does feel more intense and different from regular clitoral (aka external) orgasms.

4. Know that your likelihood of having a vaginal orgasm may have to do with your own physical anatomy.

Your odds of having a vaginal orgasm may also have to do with anatomy, Blair explains. Depending on how close your clitoris is to your vaginal wall or how deep it goes into your body may affect the sensation you can feel from your hidden clitoris nerves.

5. Brush up on your external clit stimulation while you’re at it.

As we’ve learned: sufficient clit stimulation is tantamount to having even a vaginal orgasm. Megan Andelloux, executive director at the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health, says most women find the upper left-hand quadrant of their clit the most receptive to stimulation. She also lists the most difficult orgasmic positions for women: 69’ing, standing, and straddling her partner’s face, in case that also helps narrow down what to spend time on.

6. Know the difference between what a vaginal orgasm and clitoral orgasm feel like, so you can identify them.

Ob-gyn Heather Bartos explains that vaginal orgasms tend to be deeper and involve more pulsating of the vaginal muscles than clitoral orgasms. “Generally [vaginal orgasms] involve rocking of the entire body and a big release when completed—about 10 to 30 seconds later,” she adds. To make it even better, she says there’s a short refractory period for these types of orgasms as well. In comparison, she says that “clitoral orgasms tend to be lighter and more tingly. The clitoris is super sensitive afterward and a longer refractory period may be necessary.”

7. Understand that it’s possible for you to have already experienced a vaginal orgasm without knowing it.

So, don’t be discouraged if you feel like you’re missing out on a huge part of sex just because you’ve never felt a definitively “vaginal” orgasm. “Oftentimes, when I ask women if they experience their orgasm clitorally or vaginally, they will say that they can’t really tell the difference of exactly where it’s happening, since both areas are being stimulated,” explains Liz Miracle, MPST, WCS, a Bay area clinical director, educator, and physical therapist at Origin.

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Miracle suggests it may have something to do with “referral” or the phenomenon where your body experiences one thing, but you feel it in another area. When a woman has a heart attack, for example, she might feel it in the center of her shoulder blades or feel “heartburn,” Miracle adds. A man on the other hand, might feel it in his sternum, or as pain in the left arm. “The point being, something can happen in one location and be sensed in a different area of the body. This may have to do with how our brain is receiving the sensory input or where the actual path of the nerves lie,” Miracle says.

8. Seriously, it bears repeating: do not feel like there’s something wrong with you or think that your sex life is lacking if you can’t have a vaginal orgasm.

Bartos also agrees with the consensus that “It is possible to have [a vaginal orgasm], but it’s definitely not the norm. In fact, it may be the sexual unicorn [of orgasms].” Unfortunately, it’s hard to quantify exactly what percentage of people can have vaginal orgasms since, as Bartos points out, orgasms are a complicated business. There are a huge number of factors that play into how each and every orgasm is a little different—anatomy, masturbation or sex technique, and even where you are in your cycle can affect your orgasms. Not to mention your partners, relationship, and trust level often required to really let yourself go.

9. Remember, the whole point (and likely the reason you found this page) is to focus on your pleasure.

Feel empowered in the fact that you ultimately just want to know your body better, and treat the experimentation towards vaginal orgasm as a journey. If you view the road traveled in pursuit of the mythic V.O., as a cause worthy in itself, it’ll also likely help with your own expectations. Maybe you can’t have a vaginal orgasm, but you discover like, twenty-six, new ways for you to clitorally orgasm in the process. That’s a win, too, TBH!

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