My Boyfriend and I Booked a Virtual Tantric Sex Session to Strengthen Our Relationship

Around four months into my relationship, my boyfriend confessed his biggest fear: staleness in the bedroom. As a sex writer who has a closet filled with sex toys, oils, and lingerie, I promised to never let that happen.

But the truth is, sex can become monotonous for any couple. Even for someone like me who has attempted a literal virtual blowjob in the name of “spicing things up.” (Yes, it’s totally a thing.)

So when my boyf told me about this big fear of his, I immediately went into “Must Prevent This From Ever Happening” mode. And after discussing it more, that’s when I had my aha moment: We would need to dabble in some tantric sex.

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For those of you who don’t know, tantric sex is focused on “very slow intercourse with an emphasis on synchronized breathing, touching, eye contact, and intimacy with your partner,” as described in a previous Cosmopolitan article. It’s very intimate and focuses on instilling a super emotional connection over a physical one.

I’d been to some tantric workshops in the past (before COVID-19), and I just knew it would connect us on a whole new level (and keep my boyfriend on his toes).

I pinged my friend Sara, who knows pretty much everyone in the sexual wellness space, and she introduced me to Inna Lila, a Taoist tantra facilitator who specializes in the sacred feminine arts and intimacy for couples. For the last 15 years, she’s trained in the healing arts ranging from Taoist Tantra, kundalini yoga, energy healing, polarity work, Egyptian alchemy, plant medicine, and therapeutic trauma healing.

I knew I’d found our lady.

The Workshop

After we booked our session with Inna via Instagram, I didn’t know what to expect. There were little to no instructions given, simply that my boyfriend and I should 1) be together with space on the floor, and 2) have a computer ready to access the Zoom room.

So the day of our session, we grabbed a couple pillows from my boyfriend’s couch, had a yoga mat handy just in case, and got situated on the floor in cozy clothes. My palms were clammy and my boyfriend had the serious look in his eyes that he gets when he’s concentrating too hard or visibly attempting to “be comfortable.”

Once we entered the Zoom room, my boyfriend and I introduced ourselves to Inna, got to know her briefly, chatted about how we were feeling going into the session, and with a little trust, jumped right into it.

(By the way, we decided to keep things fairly PG-13 for the sake of this article, but there were plenty of opportunities to take it further that you’ll see below. And yes, I’m talking about having full-on, actual sex.)

Inna started out by instructing us to face away from the computer and toward each other, which is the position we stayed in most of the workshop. Then, she told us to look into each other’s left eye, aka the “window to the soul.” (I promise, this is 110 percent less awkward than it sounds; It’s actually quite nice and intimate.)

Once we nailed the eye gaze, we were told to bless each other—and this may have been the most weirdly, wildly erotic part of the whole thing for both us. I used my hands to trace the “energetic lines of his body”—which meant that I placed my hands just a few inches away from his body without touching him. I did this silently three times over.

Then, as with everything in the workshop, we switched roles and he blessed me. And boy, oh boy, did he bless me. I could feel the energy rippling out from his hands through my entire body.

After we finished, I started sweating—like, full-on sweating. Your girl is not a big sweater, but I could feel a bead rolling down my side from my armpit. Why? Well, Inna mentioned it it was time for the real exercises to start. The other stuff was just the introduction apparently.

Our next assignment was to “express pleasure.” Inna wanted me to move with flow, touch myself in pleasurable ways, breathe heavily through the experience, and to lean into the urge to let out noises.

Now, I’m totally a pleasure advocate. I talk about this stuff on the internet daily and help expand women’s views of pleasure so they can experience more of it.

But revealing primal, solo self-pleasure in this format, enraptured in my partner’s eye gaze on screen, while we had a third party witness? If anything were to make me sweat, that would be it.

Eventually, though, everything outside me faded to the background. I lightly moved my fingers up the inside of my thighs, caressed my breasts through the outside of my shirt, explored the feeling of dragging my hand gently across my collarbone, up my neck, and around my lips. The noises came naturally along with the breathing.

While things were getting hot and heavy on my end, Inna instructed my partner to keep a deep breath, a straight spine, a strong presence, and eye contact to receive me, all of me—though at the time, I couldn’t even tell you what my partner was doing because I was so in my own experience.

After a few moans later, we switched roles.

Later, Inna told us to slowly wrap up our respective experiences as it was time for the final activity of our time together: The Pleasure Ask. She explained this would be the perfect opportunity for me to be selfish, make my needs known, and to practice an outpour of pleasure to be received by my partner. But, because I’m a giver by nature, I volunteered to give first. (Felt like the safer option, lol.)

Through the screen, Inna instructed my boyfriend to lay on the floor fully clothed, and she told him to ask for something from me that would give him pleasure. His request: head and neck scratches. (Like I mentioned, we kept it PG-13.) So, I nestled into his chest and gave him the best head and neck scratches, as requested.

We did this for three minutes and then it was my turn on the floor. I asked for a neck rub, and the three minute timer started.

The timer dinged again and Inna let us relish in our pleasure for a couple minutes on the floor in embrace before she kindly called us to attention. After we sat up, she asked us how we felt after the exercise to which I replied, “filled with love and seen” and my boyfriend responded, “intimately connected.”

Basically, it was the best 90 minutes ever.

Final Thoughts

The truth is, while the exercises we participated in probably looked totally silly and did not exude sexiness in a typical sense, they provided the building blocks for intimacy, passion, and longevity in our relationship. And I’d totally recommend booking a class with Inna.

Just so you know, her sessions start at $250, which I realize is quite the investment during a pandemic. But my boyf and I have a stronger connection because of our class with her, and I really think that’s worth the $$.

As with all things though, it’s important to remember that tantra is a practice, not a quick fix. And while my partner doesn’t know if the workshop “did anything” (his words, not mine), I can definitely answer that it did. The way he commands his energy and has practiced receiving my energy has changed for the better. Especially in the bedroom.

Believe me when I say our sex life is definitely not becoming stale any time soon, TYVM.

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Sex & Relationships – Cosmopolitan
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