Love , Sex and Relationships
We Know Your Secret Sex Fantasy — Do You?
Jan
Hey, cutie. Just wanted to let you know that this story originally ran in our February issue, so if you like what you see, you should probably snag a hard copy ASAP. Bye!
Look, it’s cool if every time you need to get yourself over the edge, you return to that mental picture of being taken from behind while wearing a pair of Telfar boots and nothing else. (Don’t lie.) (It’s only natural to put your fave on repeat.) But given the Groundhoggian hellscape of the past 10 months, wouldn’t it be kiiind of nice to mix things up? With something…even hotter? Yes—yes, it would.
So it’s lucky that you have us. Okay, fine, maybe not us, per se, but rather sex researcher Justin Lehmiller, PhD, and a group of other highly informed secret sources* who know how to use your personality to divine said even hotter fantasy. So pick the description that fits you best, prepare for an *uncanny* amount of detail, and…you know what to do from there.
If there’s something about a color-coded system that rly does it for you (and is it just me, or are those old-school three-ring binders super hot?)…
Your fantasy is:
A loft apartment meetup with that cute afternoon-shift barista. It’s 4:37 p.m., they’re in a beanie (the olive slouchy one), and they smell like vanilla as they slowly unhook your power bra (the red one). Your curated seduction playlist is so good that afterward, they ask you to send them the link. Yes, your life is a movie.
Why:
Very organized people tend to plan their fantasies down to every damn detail. You just like the world to seem orderly, even in your mind, theorizes Lehmiller.
If you are easily torqued by stress or find sex to be a lil anxiety-inducing…
Your fantasy is:
You’re straddling your lover, telling them to look but not touch. Villanelle from Killing Eve vibes abound (killer outfit included). Time zooms out, and spiritually, you are vibrating three feet off the ground.
Why:
Engaging in light BDSM and stepping into a character separate from yourself is the perfect escape. Your alter ego isn’t concerned about whether you remembered to turn off your straightener or pay that bill, just Sex Things.
If you’re a big-time people pleaser and usually the one to say sorry (even when it’s obvs the other person’s fault)…
Your fantasy is:
In the midst of sex, you bring out a magic new toy that completely blows your partner’s mind (or, you know, their whatever). Afterward, they lie next to you speechless. Tears of gratitude on their end may or may not be involved.
Why:
Agreeable types tend to fantasize about things they think will make others happy (the five flavored lubes sitting in your Amazon cart say hi). You might be into swinging, not because you’re poly by nature (see page 72 re: that) but because sharing = caring, in your mind, per Lehmiller’s research.
If you’re sociable and super outgoing (hello!) and your greatest phobia is forgetting to respond to a single text…
Your fantasy is:
You’re the Ina Garten of Orgy Hosting and all your guests are vying for your attention, which you’re able to give to everyone equally. You’ve got special ~favors~ picked out to use on each of them, because you’re thoughtful like that. A party platter, if you will.
Why:
Extroverts like to, obviously, “engage with the world,” says Lehmiller. Studies show they’re into sensation-seeking behaviors and also novelty and excitement. So thinking about something you’ve (probs) never done (enter: orgy) is super appealing.
If you’re on constant red alert in relationships (or situationships…especially situationships), looking for hidden signs that they’re Not That Into You…
Your fantasy is:
You are tied up and waiting, completely on edge. Think Fifty Shades—as in, you’ve written a trilogy’s worth of instructions that your highly enthusiastic partner has memorized for you. They know exactly how to play you and make you beg before they touch you again. They’re just as desperate to feel you, but they’re able…only just barely…to hold back.
Why:
Research shows that people who need a lot of reassurance in their relationships (us queens of the triple text) feel most turned on when their partners truly cannot resist them.
*not-so-secret sources: Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, PhD, Assistant Professor at California State University at Fullerton; Shamyra Howard, LCSW, sex and relationship expert; Janet Brito, LCSW, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist.
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Sex & Relationships – Cosmopolitan
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